No @channel
Imagine grabbing a megaphone, shouting ‘EVERYONE LISTEN!' in a crowded office, then realizing you had nothing urgent to say. That's what @channel is.
🚨 Congratulations, you've just pinged 2,845 people. 🚨
Hope it was worth it. Somewhere, right now:
- A developer just lost an hour of deep focus.
- A director got an alert mid-screenshare with shareholders.
- Someone's phone buzzed on PTO, sipping a 🍹 on the beach.
- HR silently added you to their "Needs Etiquette Coaching" list.
@channel is the nuclear option of Slack. It does not discriminate. It does not hesitate. It pings everyone, whether they care or not. And let's be honest, people don't.
🎺 This was you:
❌ When Is @channel Acceptable?
Never. But fine, let's be reasonable. Here are the only scenarios where it might be justified:
- 👔 The CEO said so (even then, double-check).
- 🔥 The building is on fire (but then again, maybe some people work in a different building).
- ✅ You've personally checked that every single person in the channel needs this information immediately.
- ☄️ A meteor is hurtling toward HQ. Even then, consider if
@here
might be sufficient because some people are on PTO.
🚀 Better Ways to Communicate
Not everything is an emergency. Here's what to do instead of detonating the @channel bomb:
- Use
@here
: Pings only people who are currently online. Revolutionary. - Send a DM: Directly message the only 2 people who actually need to read the thing you have to say.
- Post a regular message: Let people discover it naturally. Kinda like an email, but less awful.
- Use threads: Keeps the conversation contained so the rest of us can pretend it's not happening.
🛑 Your Redemption Arc
You've sinned. It's okay. We've all done it (not really). Here's how to atone:
- Apologize to the group. A simple "Oops, didn't mean to @channel!" goes a long way.
- Delete your message. The message thread will remain as a reminder of your shame.
- Never do it again. Self-restraint is key.
- Consider therapy. Maybe there's a deeper reason you seek mass attention.
@channel is not your personal megaphone. Use it wisely. Or don't, and see how long it takes before your coworkers revolt. Or at least spam your 'Important Announcement' with 🤡.
📢 Testimonials from Real People
🗣️ "I used @channel to remind people about a meeting… now I live in the woods and communicate only with squirrels."
– Former Office Worker
💀 "I thought my message was important. Turns out, it wasn't. Now I'm on every company-wide blocklist."
– Regretful Employee #482
🚫 "HR scheduled a ‘quick chat' after my third @channel in a week. I no longer work there."
– Promoted to Customer
⚠️ "My coworkers staged an intervention. They showed me the unread emails I could have used instead. It was humbling."
– Recovering @channel Addict
This webpage is a meme but the principles behind it are not. Please don't get mad when people get mad at you. 🙏 It was for good reason.